gabedouglas

i can’t believe what happened yesterday.
I can’t believe I didn’t even conceive Frank Thomas on HGH, until 20 of my friends called me about it.
Swisher is a switch hitter they tell me.
That seems ironic.
Boof Bonser, either a great name or the worst name of all time.
GREAT NAME.
AFter the first inning, he looks pretty good.
So did Santana yesterday, hopefully Boof is really pissed off.
All day yesterday on sports radio, they said Bonser gets pissed. And then he pitches good.

(12:22 PM) Twins up again.
Mauer almost takes off Loriza’s shoulder with a sizzling single.
Cuddyer actually got a hit too. This is going better than last night.
Morneau hits a line drive straight to Bradley, it seems like Deja Vu.
(12:25 PM) My roommate’s dog is whining. Nate asks if we are tortuting a person, because it does not sound like a dog, it sounds like a person, in EXTREME distress. i agree. I bring the beast outside because it keeps jumping all over our computers and after all, we’re working, while watching High Def.

(12:28 PM) Big Hurt is up.
ESPN likes to tell us 20 times that Boof was the first person to give Frank a homer this year.
Thanks, ESPN. He walks, with a questionable high heat.
Chavez strike out. Boof must be pissed.
Payton has a single. First contact that meant anything for the A’s tonight. Big Hurt is now a bottle cap on second base, just like last night. I love having Frank Thomas as the other team’s lead runner. It honestly slows down base running by at LEAST two bases on a routine clear-the-bases triple.
Swisher is really wearing some sort of cord around his neck. I thought I saw it last night, but in High Def, it definitely looks like a bike lock of somesort or a cable tie. Not sure, what’s it about.
ESPN just showed a clip of Swisher hugging and jump-humping a teammate in the dugout. I thought he could be the next wildman Damon, but he just blew his chance.
Chavez just got struck out. Bonser is doing alright.

(12:46 PM) In 2001, Boof legally changed his name to Boof (a nickname for his grand parents). How can he NOT be a star? (all of that from ESPN)
Kendall has this eery villian batting stance, he moves his fingers ever-so skeletony. He also wears white high tops. He’s probably part of the Cobra Kai.
(12:51 PM) Highway Robbery on Kotsay. I guess that involves the 1B fielding then throwing out the runner. It was a good play, regardless.

(12:56 PM) Nick Punto has dove into first base again. If he would have run through, he would have made it. That is bad baseball. We’re going to the top of the 4th, scoreless.

(1:00 PM) Frank Thomas just hit a ground rule double to the corner of right field, as it bounced off next to the giant plastic milk jug. Honestly, some cookie company needs to make some giant cookies, to even this out. Or Mrs. Field needs a stand in the concourse. Frank Thomas is going to scare us this entire series.

(1:02 PM) Frank Thomas just hesitated on his run to third. It was hilarious. He now has an entire two baby steps off of third. Even he knows, he’s going to get picked off. I think Boof could actually beat him in a race back to third, giving him a 40 ft. headstart.

(1:04 PM) Line out to Castillo. Frank is stranded again. I have a feeling Frank Thomas will be on the next season of Lost, stranded on an island with weird creatures.

(1:10 PM) I guess Milton Bradley just accidentally dumped a jug of coffee on Loriza. Is Bradley’s house in a Monolopy theme? Do his friends ever txt him “Do Not Pass Go” after he strikes out? How often does he consider growing an old-style curly mustache?
The announcers just said if Clemens would have had coffee spilt on him, there would a be a new right fielder and someone would be on their way to the hospital. Was that a talk-up of the manliness of Clemens, or was it a subtle hint to a roid rager?

(1:17 PM) Morneau and Hunter have both singled. They are blaming this meltdown of LoAiza on the coffee incident, even though he obviously already got two outs this inning pretty handily.. maybe he wasn’t thinking about it.

(1:28 PM) Boof just got out of OPENED STRAIGHT UP inning, where everyone who wanted to, got on base. Luckily it’s on 2-0 now. But we need to get some people crossing the plate soon.

(1:37 PM) I’d like to take this time to point out how ridiculous the merch booths were yesterday at the Metrodome, it’s as if no one had ever owned Twins merchandise. I thought maybe people were just picking up Homer Hankies, but no, people have hats and shirts in bags and on their bodies. I’m okay with that, because I’d rather have that revenue than not have it. But it’s a little ridiculous.

(1:40 PM) I AM CALLING AN OFFICIAL INTERVENTION FOR NICK PUNTO. QUIT SLIDING INTO FIRST. It’s not a bad habit, it’s an addiction. Luckily he was safe this time, or else I’d have to explain why there is broken furniture in the house. He actually was okay sliding that time, because if the ball was there, they could have tried for the tag, but just RUN THROUGH THE BASE.

(1:41 PM) Chavez vacuumed up a Mauer grounder to end the inning. A’s still up 2-0.

(1:57 PM) Cuddyer just homered.
(1:58 PM) Morneau just homered. We are going to a commercial tied. About time the MPLS bats come out to play. Morneau’s was over the Caliber baggie in right field, that thing was cranked.

(1:59 PM) I’m serious, in the new Selsun Blue commercial, the guy says “If you are black, dandruff shows”, then the new tagline is “If you wear black, make sure you have blue.” That sounds like a tagline for an abuse clinic. Some advertising firm is laughing their asses off. Or fired.

(2:01 PM) Tori didn’t even wait one pitch. Pop out. I think I would have waited one pitch, just to wait for a moneyball.

(2:03 PM) Announcer just said the Metrodome is an ugly barn, but when you put the right horses in it… He just called Twins fans horses. Ridiculous.
Tyner walks on a 3-1. Just stole second with 2 out.

(2:07 PM) Bartlett just struck out.
Sidenote: The dug out shots need to be livened up. Every single baseball player zones out in the dug out. They need the dancing guy from the Mighty Mighty Bosstones to go in there and just liven things up.
TIE GAME!

(2:29 PM) In case you weren’t aware, I guess in-the-park homeruns are still possible. Tori misjudged a 2 Out gapper and we’re down by 2 again.
And the Twinkies go 1,2,3.

(2:38 PM) Rincon gets it done.
Cici’s Pizza supposedly has all you can eat pizza, pasta, salad, and dessert for under $5.
their website www.cicispizza.com, has been trying to load for the past 4 minutes. With a deal like that there is a reason why it won’t load.

(2:56 PM) wild pitch, NOTdamon scores. 5-2. 1 out, top of ninth.
Remember when we had a bullpen in Minnesota? Yeah, Jeff Reardon. That was then. I thought we had one now too. After Tori’s mishap, we have fallen to shambles.

(2:58 PM) Kendall hit that bar “About as far as he could hit it. Only one homrun on the year.” That is funny. The announcers just trashtalked the muscles of a professional baseball player in the HGH era. I guess I can respect Eric Karros, because every time we have a booth shot, he looks like he wants to end this game himself, so he can quit being between the two goofs.
Punto ends the inning with another nice catch. If he’d stop sliding into first and become a consistent hitter, we’d have a great third baseman.
ONTO THE RALLY.

(3:00 PM) The new Holiday Inn commercials are money. So are the Burger King. Burger King is rivaling Miller Lite/Bud Light status now. Just a solid run for them.

(3:04 PM) Two out. Tyner just struck out on a ridiculous low ball. He was itching at two horribly outside balls too. Street is throwing to Bartlett with horrendous pitches too.

(3:06 PM) Bartlett gets on. Drops it right under Park Avenue’s radar.
(3:08 PM) 3-1 to Castillo. He lets the heat down the middle pass. He’s already struck out looking three times today looking. Little worried here. Full count. He lets the high-inside go. He’s on base.
(3:11 PM) Punto is up. PUNTOBER. He’s 1-2. He was going for the fence. Here we go, down to our last strike. Up and away, 2-2. Mauer is on deck, but we need to get there. Throwing in the dirt, 3-2. Here we go.
(3:13 PM) Pop up. We are down 0-2 in the series.